


I Crave The "Afterwards"

by letsgetalittleseethrough



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Exploration of sexuality, Gen, asexual awsten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22892857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsgetalittleseethrough/pseuds/letsgetalittleseethrough
Summary: And then the diner waitress leans forward and says some words that flick a switch in his brain that’s been hidden away under “CAUTION - DO NOT TOUCH” tape for years and years and years.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 25





	1. Realisation

He has nightmares about tweets she hasn’t sent yet. Most of them, these not-yet-happened-will-hopefully-never-happen nightmare-tweets, most of them would require her to be telepathic or to have switched bodies with him for a night. What he’s scared of her revealing, he never even revealed to her in the first place. 

She’d have to be telepathic, or have switched bodies with him for a night, or have simply fucking gotten ahold of one of the many notebooks he’s scribbled lyrics in. Lyrics that’ll never come to light, probably. Singing those would be like inviting his fans to his open heart surgery, encouraging them to pick up a scalpel for themselves. 

He has nightmares about tweets she hasn’t sent yet. There’s so much she could tell - is it only disinterest that stops her? Disgust? Maybe she wasn’t as observant as he thought. Maybe it’s not a question of what she did or didn’t see _ in _ him, and more how much she saw  _ of _ him. 

And in some ways - vulnerable, naked-in-bed ways - she saw an awful lot. 

\---

One of these days he’s gonna stop writing about her. There’s gotta be a point he’s got to reach. But for now, he picks up his pen, and he’s off again, turning memories into song. 

\---

_ Do you really? You could’ve fooled me when we were together. _

_   
_ _ Second part’s good though. I’m glad. _

\---

Two deleted tweets, but he keeps getting sent screenshots and screenshots and screenshots-

He doesn’t owe anyone an explanation for that song. Least of all her.

\---

“And up next is one you should all sing along to at the top of your lungs - or fuckin’ tweet about, if you fuckin’ want to-

‘I’m sick of all this how’d you get your band name…’”

\---

“‘Cause how would I explain it?” he’s telling the diner waitress at 4AM, as she watches his coffee go cold. The only other customer is snoring face down at the counter, robbing him of more valuable input. “How would I even explain it?” His croissant makes a circling trajectory across the air as he waves his arms around in illustration. 

“I miss the sex, but it wasn’t the sex, it was the intimacy, it was curling up with her afterwards, but it wasn’t the sex, but I could only get that after the sex, so I guess I do miss it…”

The waitress has stopped pretending to clean the chairs now, is sitting down opposite him with a tired but patient look. She asks what he’d define his sexuality as. He blinks. 

“I’ve had girlfriends, never liked dudes, that’s straight, right?”

“But you could take or leave sex?”

He shrugs, stirs his coffee. “Yeah.” A frown. “Guess I just have a low sex drive. But it’s the intimacy afterwards...”

And then she leans forward and says some words that flick a switch in his brain that’s been hidden away under “CAUTION - DO NOT TOUCH” tape for years and years and years.

\---

It’s a weight off, this new word. This new label. A diagnosis, if you will. An explanation for something that he could never quite find the words to explain. 

Asexual. Well, if the shoe fits…

\---

_ did Awsten just go on stage wearing a t shirt with the asexual flag on it?? are you guys seeing this too?? _

_ he must be doing it out of solidarity or something.  _

_ but what about her tweets? maybe he’s ace himself _

_ Awsten? C’mon!  _

_ as an ace person, this makes me really really happy _

\---

This is the scary part. What if they think he’s joking, messing around, just trying to fool them? 

_ Aws, _ Geoff replies, a mercifully short time later,  _ I’m glad you told me. I’m proud of you, man. _

And Otto’s all like,  _ so the t-shirt speaks the truth. that’s cool, dude. I’ll go get myself and Geoff ‘ally’ shirts, yeah? so we can be a proper cool band n shit? _

This label, it’s a weight off. Now all that’s left to do is channel the whole experience into song. 

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a very long wait but it's here! :)) thanks to just_an_average_human for reminding me to finish this!

* * *

mostly I just feel vulnerable

when we're in bed and you've seen it all

I'm sorry, I just don't get the hype

it doesn't repulse me, I guess it's just

something else that I have missed out on understanding

I said I'd take you to the moon but I think I missed the landing 

truth is I crave the afterwards

the words 'n' touches we exchange

as we lie in the bed that we just unmade 

the rest I could take it or leave it

yeah the rest I could take it or leave it 

physically the physicality

isn’t the right fit for me

I’m waiting for the desire but it hasn’t bit me yet

and I wish I could forget that this doesn’t feel like me

but don't you see? 

in your arms is where I belong

I wasn’t lying when I wrote that song

I just crave the afterwards

the words 'n' touches we exchange

as we lie in the bed that we just unmade

the rest I could take it or leave it

but I still loved you - you better believe it 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> my first fic in this fandom! what did you all think? :))


End file.
